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Professional Productions:
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Licences for amateur performances:
| 1 performance | £20 |
| 2 performances | £30 |
| 3 performances | £40 |
| 4 performances | £50 |
| Each subsequent performance | £10 |
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Synopsis Lord Bramley throws a dinner party with a difference. Many of the guests are not yet acquainted with him and he has invited a small company of actors to mingle with the guests posing as aristocrats. One of them is even to pose as Lord Bramley himself while Bramley takes the place of the butler, whom he has dismissed for the evening. Thus the stage is set for Bramley’s first and only murder-mystery evening. Things go horribly wrong when the ‘murder’ turns out to be all too real. Set The period is nineteen-sixties. There are two doors UL and UR, two pairs of easy chairs DR and DL and a three-seater sofa slightly to L of C stage. The side board/drinks cabinet is UR and there is a card table and coffee table (with table cloth) in the seating area. There is a further small table pushed up against the wall UL, covered with a cloth. Entrances and exits should be swift and timely as in a farce. Where there is a simultaneous entrance and exit, both doors should be used. Character Sketches Lord Bramley: Quite a brash and outspoken peer with an eccentric sense of humour. Very hard-up but tries not to show it. Has a network of aristocratic friends and frequently name-drops. Has a slight stutter when he gets excited. Lady Bramley: very straight-laced and serious with a habit of glaring at people when they speak to her. Abrupt with the servants. Hair always immaculately coiffured and decorated with a tiara. Fingers full of rings. Married into the aristocracy so not fully at ease with her station and needs to be ostentatious. Speaks in a slow, upper-crust drawl as if it is an effort. Gerard Hissington-Wasserby: A wimp who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. His hair is slicked back in fifties style and he frequently mops his brow. Father is a wealthy banker and he has used his connections to get into parliament. Engaged to Constance but nervous of marriage. Cannot roll his rs. Is hen-pecked by Constance. Constance Whetherby: Always has a cigarette-holder in her hand, even when it is empty. Seems to need a prop. She is very squeamish and prissy. Wears a big hair band. Wants to marry soon and frequently drops hints to Gerard, which he ignores. Has a rather silly laugh which always ends in a snort. Enid Smythe: speaks to everyone as if they were a class of five year-olds. Speaks slowly and deliberately, emphasizing key-words in a sentence. She is rather frumpy and dresses like an old spinster. Secretly has a wicked sense of humour and is not easily shocked. Likes the booze. Large coloured, cheap-looking earrings. Colonel Ballister: All tweed and bravado. Likes to talk about the regiment and bores people stiff. Very chivalrous and always jumps up for ladies, pulls their chairs out, pours wine etc. He takes a fancy to Enid. Paranoid and thinks there is a conspiracy. ACT 1 Scene 1 The Drawing Room at Bramley Hall (The drawing room is decorated in a rather dated style with traditional frilled standard lamps, leather chairs and sofa, several card tables, an ornate sideboard, candelabra on the mantle-piece and numerous family portraits around the walls. Jenkins, aka Lord Bramley, dressed as a butler, is busy arranging trays of glasses and pumping up the cushions in the drawing room. Enter the real Jenkins, in less-formal dress.) BRAMLEY Ah, Jenkins, just in the nick of time. I need to ask you about the wine list. JENKINS Certainly, my lord. BRAMLEY You know I never venture into the cellar these days - damn gout. I’ve only a dim memory of the lie of the land. Will I be able to find the necessary intoxicants. JENKINS My lord, permit me to remain and advise you. BRAMLEY Certainly not, Jenkins, I’ve given you the night off and the night off you shall have. JENKINS But, my lord, BRAMLEY No buts….. You know how I like a practical joke, Jenkins. Tonight, I shall be Jenkins. My guests shall be arriving soon, including those from the Poirot Players and I shall wait on them. JENKINS But, my lord, will your guests not recognise you? BRAMLEY Absolutely not! Two of them have met Lady Bramley but none of them are yet known to me. I suppose they may have seen me from a distance, at the polo or the races, but they’ll not recognise me out of my tweeds. And three of them are not really guests; they are actors. One will be playing myself and the two others will be masquerading as guests. JENKINS And is Lady Bramley…….? BRAMLEY In on the game, of course. She’s always wanted to go to a murder-mystery dinner - and tonight she shall - in her own dining room. JENKINS As you wish my lord. (Aside) I wouldn’t want to be the one to spoil your little game. BRAMLEY Now, about the cellar…. JENKINS Very well, my lord: (The following dialogue should be rhythmic and increasing in dynamics and tempo.) Your first task, my lord, is to fill a flask with the best Madeira from the dark oak cask BRAMLEY (Parrot-fashion, attempting to memorise the instructions.) A flask of Madeira from the dark oak cask. JENKINS The next thing to do is to carry up the brew in the bottles coloured blue with a turquoise hue. BRAMLEY Bottles coloured blue with a turquoise hue. JENKINS Then take a quart of wine from the rack of pine made from burgundy grapes from the Duke’s best vine. BRAMLEY A quart of wine from the rack of pine.